Relationship Attachment Style

believe that I am intelligent, pretty, loyal, loving, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, and tenacious. When I am with someone I love, I put forth my all. 100% of myself is given to this person. However, I am also an emotionally codependent, anxious and paranoid girlfriend. I have been treated so horribly by men in my past because of my giving and submissive nature that I am pretty sure I am broken beyond repair. My boyfriend says I'm not, that with love and patience and time he can help to heal me. But I wonder if that's true most of the time. I have been lied to, used, cheated on, taken advantage of and abused by the men that I have loved so dearly. Because of all of that, plus the nature of my work, I have a really difficult time believing any one on faith alone. I need proof that what they are telling me is the truth. I am paranoid that my boyfriend will find someone he likes better than me, someone that pleases him better than me, someone he thinks is prettier than I am. Why? Because that has happened to me in the past. Three times to be exact. I need attention to be reassured that cheating is not going on. I need to be in almost constant communication with my partner. I didn't used to be like this. It really bothers me that I can't control these thoughts and emotions. He doesn't answer the phone or text me back within a certain amount of time, I start freaking out a little. The fact that he is a non-compliant diabetic doesn't help my worries either. The anxiety overpowers my ability to think in rational reality. I read this article and realized that I am the anxious attachment style. And I used to be okay with how anxious I am. I mean, if I meet the right person he will be understanding and accepting of all of my flaws, right? So then why is my being an anxious attachment style a bad thing? Why would I want to change that? Other than the fact that the thoughts I think when I am being anxious feel like they are going to kill me. I wrote a poem a couple of years ago about being needy. Because that's what I am. I am a needy attention whore. I want and need to be adorned and fawned over and given as much attention as possible. I need text messages, phone calls, voice mails, touching, cuddling and kissing. These are the things that make me feel safe and secure in my relationship. I want to fix my anxiety and paranoia......but not being needy. I actually like being needy. I don't like feeling anxious & paranoid all the time. I take medication (when I remember to) for depression/anxiety, but it doesn't really seem to help much. I'm really stubborn about trying therapy. I was in therapy when I was younger and I never really felt like I was getting better. So now that I have rambled on and on about nothings super important I will leave you with my poem and the link to the article from Psychology Today (my favorite magazine). NEED i am needy. i am not afraid to admit it. i need Your attention. i need Your affection. i need Your approval. i need Your discipline. i need Your praise. i need Your companionship. i need Your friendship. i need Your guidance. i need Your understanding. i need Your acceptance. i need Your love, hugs, & kisses. i need Your touch, soft & firm. But most of all, i just need You. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201505/you-can-change-your-attachment-style