What is Your Greatest Fear........

We are all afraid of something. Some of us are afraid of more things than others. To narrow down to just one great fear is a pretty difficult task. For me, I believe that my greatest fear would be to die without the people that I love knowing exactly what they mean to me. Specifically, my daughter and my boyfriend. Now I tell Joshua all the time what he means to me, everyday in fact. Even if we argue that day, I still tell him. He is one of the two people in my life that I care the most about. My daughter, on the other hand, is too young to understand exactly what it is that I am trying to tell her most of the time. To tell a 2 year how much they mean to you would pretty much go in one ear and out the other. She is my pride and joy and if I don't accomplish anything else on this planet, I helped to create her. I have high hopes and dreams for her. She will be a positive contribution to this world. I would not be here if it were not for her existence. I have battled depression since I was 12. I have contemplated and attempted suicide many times. During one of the darkest times in my life, she was there. She was just a small baby and depended on me for food and milk and clothing and everything. She needed me more than I needed myself. And because I am the altruistic person that I am, I began living for her. And now that Joshua is in the picture, I am living for him as well. Without those two I would not have a purpose or a reason to be here. My grandpa died suddenly of a heartattack when I was just 13. It crushed my world. Not only because my "Daddy" had died but because the night before he had said something that ticked me off and I went to bed upset with him. I didn't give him a hug and a kiss good night like I normally did. The next morning he was dead. I never want that to happen to anyone in my life ever again. That feeling that I have had to deal with for so many years is horrible. I still kick myself about it. But I know that he knows that I loved and love him dearly. Even if I didn't say it. He knows. I have to tell myself that or it will eat me up . So there you have it. That is my greatest fear.